Why am I here, doing this?

…I am fearfully and wonderfully made…

Psalm 139:14

Hello. I’m a nurse, a sister, a daughter, a Christian, an avid animal lover, and I’m working on my codependent relationship with wine. I’ve written in journals all my life so I thought I’d give it a whirl here, something cathartic in an uncertain, anxiety-inducing time.

A little about me: I spend 90% of my time in scrubs, yoga pants (bohemian), no makeup and a ponytail (bohemian). I also love nice restaurants, stilettos, nice purses, and I have an appreciation for luxury cars (bougie). I miss the water and would live at the beach and wear flip flops daily if I could, again (bohemian). But, I love to travel to nice places where I feel comfortable using the shower barefoot and having beachside wait staff and butlers (bougie). I have a lot of nice jewelry I hardly wear because it doesn’t go with yoga pants and scrubs. I don’t know the last time I dried my hair. I have an entire bathroom full of makeup and hair products and skin care and more shoes than I wear in a year but I somehow cannot part with them. I wear the same flip flops and T-shirts from Target 80% of my days. I have short, natural, unpolished nails and toenails (gasp!!) but every wonderfully scented oil, lotion, and candle ever made.

I love helping people but I am disillusioned with my profession. I have so much empathy for others and yet I have compassion fatigue. The desire to help is real, but the business of medicine makes me want to find something else to do quickly. But I don’t know anything else. I’m trying to find myself, and potentially a new path.

I want to dive into a bottle of wine or four. I don’t want to dive into wine because I know what that brings. I am a walking contradiction in a lot of ways, even to myself. But I’m here. I’m reading, learning, and growing. I’m attempting to write down my thoughts. Nice to meet you.

-the bougie bohemian (BB)

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